My head feels so heavy and the chirping of the birds outside is hurting my skull. When I looked at myself in the mirror this morning, I had to do a double take because I barely recognized my face. Smudged mascara, traces of eyeliner on my left cheek (yeah, I have no idea how that happened either), not to mention my breath is still reeking of alcohol. Ah, the consequences of a night of copious alcohol consumption.
MrX and I got a hotel for the night because neither of us wanted to drive home intoxicated. I checked in right after leaving work into room 1209, and showered and promptly changed into my dress. As a side note, let me just say that I bought this dress for 30 dollars and it's seriously the most stunning dress in my closet. It's beautiful, comfortable, reveals just the right amount of cleavage to keep a male eye lingering yet still leaves much to imagination. Not to mention it makes me feel like a million bucks. MrX was dressed slightly more casually, but I figured what the hell - it's my birthday and I'm allowed to dress up as much as I want.
So we made our way down to this restaurant/bar/club by the river which I absolutely love, and had a lovely dinner. mrX shaved prior to going out which I was ridiculously grateful for - stubble isn't really my thing and when he doesn't shave for more than one day, he seriously fights the hot. And come on, if you've got that hotness in you, flaunt it, don't fight it. Okay?
After dinner we began drinking. Quite heavily at that. In fact when my friends showed up around 10, I was already seriously buzzed. I think I drank the most last night, and my friend Glamorous told me that I was a cute drunk. A cute drunk? I'll take that as a compliment. Certainly better than an angry drunk or an emotional drunk.
After midnight I don't remember much at all. I sort of remember getting crazy on the dance floor, but I typically do that even when I'm sober, so that's not anything new. I do remember almost falling due to my state of inebriation, but mrX was firmly holding my hand the entire time we were dancing, and he saved me from falling on my ass. After that though, I don't remember a damn thing. I don't have anything to worry about though. I'm always the classiest of drunks and I have yet to remember one instance where I embarassed the hell out of myself. I do know this much - for some unbeknownst to me reason,I was trying to set my friends DJ and Ms. Conservative up, and Ms. Conservative was not feeling the poor guy at all. Ay Dios mio, I really need to stop playing a matchmaker and stick to my own issues with mrX, but more on that later.
I do not remember saying goodnight and goodbye to ANY of my friends which makes me wonder if I bothered to say goodnight at all. I really hope I didn't just pick up and leave but I did stay there till closing time so I probably left around the same time everyone else did.
We got back to our hotel room after a fun-filled night (from what I can remember), mrX and I did our thing, and yes, I sobered up enough at that point to actually remember that activity. And of course, I reminded him (several time, as he pinpointed out) to use protection. Seriously, I'm such a strong advocate for condoms, Trojan should make me their spokesperson. Actually, I don't have a brand of preference, but I've always liked those Trojan Man commercials. So Trojan, if you're reading this, call me!
This morning I woke up and I was still a bit drunk, but that's besides the point. Here is where inexplicable awkwardness begins. Let's make a list, shall we?
1. While still in bed, mrX decided to say the oddest thing to me, "I think your friend DJ likes you." I let the words settle in my brain. "Why do you say that?" I cautiously inquired. "I don't know. It's just the way he looks at you. I'm just getting that vibe, you know?" That's interesting that he said that. I do get that vibe from DJ as well, but we're strictly friends. Not in a million years would I cross that line. But how is mrX getting that vibe? I think the real reason behind him saying what he said was that he sees that incredibly close bond between DJ and me and he just might be a little jealous of the friendship and wants to plant some seeds of awkwardness in my head. That devious mrX.
2. It didn't seem like mrX wanted to cuddle. He ALWAYS cuddles. Well, at least the other three times we slept in the same bed, he did. But this morning... he briefly put his arm around me but then withdrew it after ten seconds of resting it on my hip. That does not count as cuddling.
3. We just happened to park two cars apart from each other in the parking garage so we walked to our respective cars together. I reached my car first but he just continued walking. I paused for a few seconds, wondering if he would turn around, come back and plant one on my lips, but no such luck. I saw him pause as well before his car, looking at me, but at that point I was already angrily fumbling with my keys and was not going to be the one to go over to his car.
4. On our way back home, he followed me through the city for a while, because he was trying to get back to I95 and I volunteered to show him the way. Once on 95 though, he sped up and his little Nissan practically flew by me disappearing in the distance.
5. He hasn't replied to my terribly sweet text message in which I professed my affection for him by typing the gramatically incorrect "Had a great time cant wait 2 c u again :)" Who can resist replying to that but a man who just might be not that into me any more?!
But then again, he spent a mad amount of money on me last night. He paid for everything and for a few of my friends' drinks. Perhaps, I am the one who needs to step it up just a notch and show him that I really value his role in my life and that he truly is an amazing guy when he wants to be. It's kind of nervewrecking though. Am I being paranoid? Is it too late to reignite the sparks?
Our usual bartender at the bar last night (he served us drinks on our third date) said to mrX, "I am so glad to see you guys are still together." And I thought to myself, "Still together... but for how long?" I don't want to lose a good thing, and that's exactly what mrX and I have (had?).
I wonder, would anything be different if I wasn't moving to Cincinnati in September?
-L
5 comments:
I wouldn't let his nonchalance bother you too much at this stage. After a big night on the sauce he was probably feeling like a bag of shit tied around the middle—not conducive to emotional engagement. Check in with him once the fog has lifted.
He might be right about your friend DJ. I'd wager that at some point DJ has wondered how things might turn out if you were a pair. The male mind just works that way.
Thanks for the insight into a male mind. I'm so, so very confused by men.
There have been some other recent developments though which make me believe that I may have been used. Sigh. I'll write an update soon.
Sounds like Utter Douchebaggery to me! I don't care how much money he spent on you...that's not the marker of a good man. It's how he treats you that counts. Sounds like he's failing miserably in that department and there is nothing you should have to do to make that better...that's HIS responsibility.
yeah you're completely right. i actually sent him an email this morning demanding an explanation for his behavior. we'll see what he says (if he ever replies...)
Wow, guys are so confusing. Why would he pay for all that stuff and take you out for a nice night just to be a dick to you the next day? Hopefully he's gotten a little nicer & appreciative since this last post, cause he shouldn't have acted that way!
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