So last week mrX and I had an impromptu talk about where we stood in our relationship. Granted, I wanted to talk to him for the longest time, hell, a week after I met him, but I withheld myself from bringing up the subject, fearing that he would freak out and instantly distance himself from me. Well, last week the subject came about rather organically and with some skillful steering I was able to bring my boat into the bay of The Talk.
It didn't go as well as I had hoped. It didn't go as badly as I had feared. I was pretty saddened but not outraged. Basically, he sugarcoated what he really wanted to say and what he REALLY wanted to say was, "I'd like to date you for this summer because we're so damn compatible but you're moving in September, and hell no, I won't wait for you. I'm good-looking and successful, you're damn right girls are getting in line to date me. So let's not bring this subject up for the rest of the summer and at the end of it all we'll have a short and sweet good bye. And perhaps have break-up sex, except that it won't officially be a break up since we were never really going out."
Yeah, I can read between the lines. Yeah, I can see where he is coming from and although right now I am all flustered and disappointed over the fact that he won't wait for three years for me to finish my education and come back to him, I know that I would be as reluctant as him if I were in his position. (Again, in a Hollywood movie the scenario would play out in a slightly different manner. We would meet after three years of not seeing each other in a park in the midst of a summer rain. We would both be soaking wet so our tears of happiness would mix with raindrops. One look into each others' eyes and we would instantly realize that the long wait was well worth it, because we knew all along that we belonged together. I would be played by Katherine Heigl or some Kate Moss look-alike.) Life is not a Hollywood movie, however, and I think once we're apart from each other, we'll be too involved in our own lives to care enough to continue our relationship.
Too bad, because I'm so in love with him. Being the realist that I am, however, I know that the best thing for me to do right now is to enjoy the summer and the amazing sex and the food and make memories and then try to let go and move on. Easier said than done, right?