Wednesday, June 6, 2007

...In Which I Pretend I'm In Love

When I fell into his eyes, I realized that he was a significant if temporary presence in my life. The future distance between us… the inevitability of it all is pushed to the back of my mind, giving way to my perception of the depth of feeling for him.

Will he ever appreciate or know this? That for one split moment in the life of universe, one entity felt completely enveloped in another entity. Their energies connected and synced up for that moment. The two entities out of all of the particles in the universe found momentary peace in a confusion of ever present chaos.

Jeopardizing my 5pm deadline, I think of him and wonder how innately different men and women really are. Is it really outlandish of me to suppose that he might feel something for me too?

Come September, there will be significant changes in my life. Relocation, education, new faces, new obstacles and triumphs. My future will be uncompromised by him but my heart will feel the changes more than I will like to admit.

Maybe in a world raised by Hollywood, I’ve arrived to expect more than I should. Does this mean that I am being unreasonable or does it mean that I have standards?

Nevertheless, I do not want to let him go. I fell in love with him much too quickly, and I know that. I hear people utter things like, “You can’t be in love after only two months.” I used to be one of the people who would say that. This, after all, feels much luck teenage lust, except that I am 23. But if I’m wrong, then let me be wrong. What is so bad about mislabeling this particular feeling? Why do I need to be 100 percent right all the time anyway?

We’re all human. We all make mistakes. I just hope that he isn’t MY mistake. But then again. I’m 23. I’ll get over it.