Cue in the violins - I am about to feel sorry for myself.
I am terrified of the future and the job situation in this country and the fact that I can't just pick and choose the city I want to live in, once I finish school in June. 50% of architects lost their jobs in 2008 - that means all of them are in the market to find something... anything to earn enough money to get by. So when a person, who's in top 5% of her class, can't get a job anywhere and keeps getting "We are not hiring, sorry" emails from her dream firms, what's a girl to do?
Plan A - Try to get a job at the magazine I worked at over the summer, get a bartending/hosting job at some mid-range/high end restaurant or a sales job that pays commission. Look for a better job in a mean time. Attempt to not freak out.
Plan B - Keep on applying to firms through the summer, as I have enough rent money to last me through August, and at the same time, study for GMATs and apply to a top-tier business school. Abandon architecture. Spend another three years broke and with no life. Attempt to not freak out.
Plan C - Move to some big city, maybe close to Mr J?, go door-to-door terrorizing architecture firms with my resumes. Get a part-time job in a related field... a publishing company, a branding/marketing firm until some company decides to hire me as a full-time employee. Attempt to not freak out.
Plan D - Go to Vegas, wear the shortest, sluttiest dress money can buy, pick up an older gentleman and have him pay for all of my shit. Attempt not to freak out at the thought of becoming a person I despise.
Plan D is, obviously, not in my cards. But the first three plans sound just as terrifying because of all the uncertainty they bring. I mean, the thought of being open to move anywhere - from California to Providence, RI - without even having a clue of whether or not I will even find a job, is insane. But that's what I gotta do.
And then yesterday, Mr J and I talked on the phone about this and that, and that's when I brought up a suggestion of him visiting me during his Spring Break.
"Well, I don't know what I am planning on doing yet. Some people were gonna go to Chicago, but I probably won't go," he says.
"I think you should come and visit me then. Come for a weekend, you'll have more fun with me anyway," I insist.
"I know, but won't you be too busy with school?"
"I can find the time - I can't imagine having too much work that particular week. Besides, if we don't see each other over Spring Break, who knows when or if we will see each other again..."
"Why do you say that?!" he sounds a bit surprised, but I am, in turn, surprised by his reaction.
"Because I don't know where you or I will end up after May.... you know?"
He wants to transfer law schools and is looking at places in New York, Dallas, San Diego, Cincinnati... I am looking everywhere there is a job, willing to relocate to states/countries I couldn't picture myself living in previously... Alabama, Georgia, Connecticut... even Canada. Mr J's and my life paths are very hard to keep from diverging but when and if they do... well, I will lose a piece of myself somewhere in the process.
And that's what makes me want to freak out the most.