Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Freak Out


Cue in the violins - I am about to feel sorry for myself.

I am terrified of the future and the job situation in this country and the fact that I can't just pick and choose the city I want to live in, once I finish school in June. 50% of architects lost their jobs in 2008 - that means all of them are in the market to find something... anything to earn enough money to get by. So when a person, who's in top 5% of her class, can't get a job anywhere and keeps getting "We are not hiring, sorry" emails from her dream firms, what's a girl to do?

Plan A - Try to get a job at the magazine I worked at over the summer, get a bartending/hosting job at some mid-range/high end restaurant or a sales job that pays commission. Look for a better job in a mean time. Attempt to not freak out.

Plan B - Keep on applying to firms through the summer, as I have enough rent money to last me through August, and at the same time, study for GMATs and apply to a top-tier business school. Abandon architecture. Spend another three years broke and with no life. Attempt to not freak out.

Plan C - Move to some big city, maybe close to Mr J?, go door-to-door terrorizing architecture firms with my resumes. Get a part-time job in a related field... a publishing company, a branding/marketing firm until some company decides to hire me as a full-time employee. Attempt to not freak out.

Plan D - Go to Vegas, wear the shortest, sluttiest dress money can buy, pick up an older gentleman and have him pay for all of my shit. Attempt not to freak out at the thought of becoming a person I despise.

Plan D is, obviously, not in my cards. But the first three plans sound just as terrifying because of all the uncertainty they bring. I mean, the thought of being open to move anywhere - from California to Providence, RI - without even having a clue of whether or not I will even find a job, is insane. But that's what I gotta do.

And then yesterday, Mr J and I talked on the phone about this and that, and that's when I brought up a suggestion of him visiting me during his Spring Break.

"Well, I don't know what I am planning on doing yet. Some people were gonna go to Chicago, but I probably won't go," he says.

"I think you should come and visit me then. Come for a weekend, you'll have more fun with me anyway," I insist.

"I know, but won't you be too busy with school?"

"I can find the time - I can't imagine having too much work that particular week. Besides, if we don't see each other over Spring Break, who knows when or if we will see each other again..."

"Why do you say that?!" he sounds a bit surprised, but I am, in turn, surprised by his reaction.

"Because I don't know where you or I will end up after May.... you know?"

"Yeah..."

He wants to transfer law schools and is looking at places in New York, Dallas, San Diego, Cincinnati... I am looking everywhere there is a job, willing to relocate to states/countries I couldn't picture myself living in previously... Alabama, Georgia, Connecticut... even Canada. Mr J's and my life paths are very hard to keep from diverging but when and if they do... well, I will lose a piece of myself somewhere in the process.

And that's what makes me want to freak out the most.

8 comments:

P said...

Okay, so it would be all well and good for you to go where Mr J is going but you are more career-oriented than that. You seem to LOVE what you do - I envy that so much - and I hope you can find something that you want to do AND possibly brings you closer to your man!

It just must be a total head fuck and I do not envy you that.

You'll make the right decision though!

S. Nemesis said...

I've been in a similar situation... my problem was, I DID freak out. I was willing to do anything to get a job in my field, even if it paid peanuts. Problem #2, I wasn't willing to take the risks it involved to get me where I wanted to be. I ended a perfectly happy relationship because of my apprehensive approach to reaching my goals. It sucked big time, I know how it is looking for a job for what seems like forever, especially when a relationship is on the line. The only way I got out of my rut is by digging up some old connections and taking on some risks. Nothing that could get me in killed or put in jail of course, but risks nonetheless. I guess my point is, if you have passion for it and you're good at it, things will eventually fall into place for you---but going the safe route with this much competition out there isn't your best bet. Plan C isn't a bad idea, but I'd have some leads there first before moving your life to another city. My best advice is visit some friends who live in some big cities (or even out by Mr. J) and do your resume terrorizing there for a few days.

You seem smart and like P said ^^^ I'm sure you'll make the right decision. You're young and now's the time to do things you've always wanted and go new places! Hope this post helps somehow. Good luck!

dyanna said...

Your blog is really beautiful.I'm waiting for your new post.
Have a nice day.

twentyinsix said...

The thing that makes you freak out most is something to consider when making plans. Life is more than work.

Anonymous said...

It's been a while since I've had time to read your blog, let alone write something in mine! But I love reading you, I totally identify with your current career crisis... Although I have a safety net and I'm more about creating my own job than looking for one. But still, scary times...
Would you consider relocating in Europe? London baby! There's still a lot of money there.

- N

jeni said...

Have you considered writing professionally after school?

Laundramatic said...

jeni,

I have, but more as a side job than something I'd do for a living... it just seems like such a tough field to break into and excel as there are so many amazing writers out there!

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