Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Penis Does the Talking


When it comes to online dating and putting information in your profile for other people to view, sometimes even the most innocent statements can elicit the most outrageous remarks.

My profile, which I hastily crafted in a total of five minutes a long time ago, still provides me with a great source of information from desperados all over the world that creep right on over to my page to read my responses to the standard profile questions.

Imagine, if you will, Exhibit 239 - Mr. Unfortunate Head Shot - a guy with a variety of pictures in all of which the background behind his mug seemed to have been his small bathroom. One of his many forgettable head shots was taken a wee bit too up close, showing me just enough of a close up of his face for me to notice a bright red zit on his broad forehead.

His subject line was demanding my attention, just as his zit was demanding my gaze. "I'll tell you why we're bad at communicating..." it read, referring to my short lament withing my profile stating that I was frustrated with men who were bad at communicating their feelings. How could I not read on? Maybe his message was going to reveal the answer to my quandary after all.

What I saw next hurt my eyes and made me lose a little bit of faith in all humanity...

"...it's terrible to admit, but my penis is usually the thing talking when it comes time to portray some feelings/emotions. "you don't touch me enough, I feel lonely, other penis get to do this or that, what do I have to do to get more attention?

if my ex just started going down on me everytime I had an issue with her, I would be a total slave to her. it's an ugly truth, but it is the truth."

I messaged him back immediately after I saw the message and begged him to consider me as a potential first date candidate.

No, not really. I deleted the message and never looked back with regret.

9 comments:

P said...

what a loser! why did he even bother??

brian b. said...

penis is a good thing!

Coleen said...

I came to find your blog via the "Next Blog" button up top, and had to stop to say I am glad I don't have to deal with guys likethat being married now and all! But boy was it funny to read that. Ican't believe he actually thoughtthat was an appropriate first communication!

Victoria said...

this is a jokes blog...keep up the good work :) its fantastic
x

CLUBOHOLICS said...

HAHAHA.. DOPE PIN...

REMEDY said...

wah...beautiful article...sarcastic..but going logic for most desperados..and i think gigolo also promote their penis...whatever

Md. Abu Zafor Fagun Ahmad said...

:)
http://www.tfortechnic.blogspot.com

Rishi said...

Wow. Some feelings are just best to not be shared with others..how in appropriate.
You're blog is awesome.

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