Friday, September 26, 2008

Impromptu Sex Talk

I will write this only because I just might be drunk. Tonight, on the first night of the first weekend of being back at school - I am feeling tipsy, sitting at my laptop and sipping on Sam Adams Boston Ale, I am feeling tipsy.

Now onto my drunken topic: Best sex I've ever had. Funny story about this dude because he was a good friend of mine for a number of years. I just turned 18 when he declared that he got himself a new girlfriend and I was more than happy for him. Genuinely happy for him, because he was such a friend. Such a friend, but nothing more.

I was just starting my very first semester at the University of Pennsylvania and I was still living with my parents as my lovely school was not that far from the 'rents' house. I got myself my very first work-study job at a museum affiliated with the university, and though I was only 18 years old, I was feeling all grown up for the very first time in my life.

Since my friend had a car and I had yet to acquire one, he, sometimes, would volunteer to pick me up and drive me home. A nice gesture of friendship that I gladly accepted whenever it was offered. Taking a subway home was not at the top of my favorite-activities-to-do list. I accepted his offers and I waited for him, rain or shine, in front of the museum, until I saw his 1995 Honda slow down and pull out of the general traffic flow to the curb to pick me up.

After he would give me a ride, I'd invite him to my (my parents') place to watch a movie. We'd chit-chat merrily and part our ways at the end of the night. No strings attached. Just two friends having a good ol' merry time.

One night was different, though. That night my parents were not home and we were watching some old DVD I dug out of my collection. Amidst our silence, he unexpectedly asked me,

"Do you like me?"

Many would interpret it in a platonic way. As in, do I like him as a friend. But I instantly knew what he meant. I turned my head towards him, got lost momentarily in his eyes, and said, simply and unpretentiously, "Of course I like you."

As he leaned in for the kiss, I simply couldn't pull away. I was selfish and passionate and filled with fire at 18, and I kissed him back, briefly but intentionally.

He, on the other hand, hesitated after his impulse, "I should get going," he said, and got up off the couch as if he was sitting on needles. He headed for the exit.

I followed him to the front door, where he struggled to pull on the door knob. The door was locked, and only I had the key to unlock it. As I opened the door with one simple move, he was free to run away, if he wanted to.

"I have a girlfriend, you know," he said, somewhat nervously.

And then, he pulled me towards him.

"I know.. I don't care..." I paused for a moment, evaluating the situation. Girlfriend or no girlfriend, I was fine with thsi arrangement, I decided. I, then, wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in for a kiss. He didn't get nervous this time, just kissed me back and we remained like that for a number of minutes.

We didn't get much farther that night and he left right after our particularly long make out session, but the next time I saw him, we, literally within minutes, began ripping clothes off each other. Goddamn he was good. And I was right there being damn good with him.

Though we haven't been intimate in quite some time, our friendship has ended relatively recently as we simply lost touch with each other about a year ago. At this point of time, I don't know if he's single, dating, or married. I don't know, and sometimes, I kind of wish I could still talk to him so he could fill me in, so I could become a part of his life again.

But life, as we all know it, never remains at a stand still. And some friendships are meant to not last forever. And so he, my friend circa 2002-2007, did not last forever. He was a chapter in my life... but damn, was that a good chapter.

Maybe, and I guess this is what I'm ultimately getting at, what I need right now is not impromptu sex talk.. but impromptu sex. Maybe even with The Neighbor, if he turns up at my place at just the right moment, that is.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

No Rush

"You've got a beautiful body. You've got a beautiful face. You've got a beautiful personality. I like your sense of humor and level-headedness..."
he whispered to me last night, as I laid next to him in his bed, debating whether or not I should just do it and sleep with him, or hold off on that for a bit longer until I am absolutely sure.

He told me how I am just so damn special in between kisses, and I looked at him wondering how everything about him seemed so normal at the surface, but how lately... lately, I have been feeling that ignited spark, those butterflies just starting to fizzle away. Slowly but surely, I am feeling less passionate and more indifferent, without finding reasons for my fickle changes of heart.

Okay, so maybe shit isn't perfect between us. He's far too juvenile for my taste. I am surprised to be admitting this, since I tend to go for more... youthful-minded guys, perhaps, to find some diversion and, therefore, balance to my, often, demanding and time-consuming professional life. But lately, I guess, I am finding myself on a road to discovering that, to me, being young at heart no longer means going to keg parties and talking about Peyton Manning and Tony Romo until my brains explode. I have graduated from Bud Light to Chiante and Merlot, from band posters to vintage art prints, from boys to men.

He is also not as ambitious as I am, in terms of his career goals. It is fine if he is still figuring out what he wants to do, but I kind of feel like he is not even at that point yet. Like, he's procrastinating and waiting til God knows when to set up some basic goals for himself. I don't want a crazy workaholic - I've got enough of that in me, but I want someone who doesn't just daydream about what he wants, but takes it a step farther and actually goes after it.

I suppose I am also feeling a bit of outside pressure, seeing as I have been single for two years now. A part of me feels like I should at least try and make this relationship work, cause what do I have to lose? I feel like my friends are wondering sometimes why I have been single for such a long time. But I, myself, think that I will be more content if I stay single, instead of seriously getting involved with someone.

Whatever. I guess I am still in search for something (someone) else. And I guess I feel like I've got all the time in the world to find that person, so I am in no rush to settle down. This week's trip to Philadelphia to see my family before school starts up again should clear my mind up a bit.

And as for The Neighbor? I suppose, despite my complains, I am still satisfied enough to stick around in this relationship a bit longer. After all, I am in no rush.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

No Words To Describe...

Upon checking my year old account on a dating web site, I found this message, coincidentally sent to me just hours ago:

"so tell me why someone as beutiulf as u being ingle for?"

Gee, I have no idea, kind sir. Perhaps, I have just been waiting all this time to meet a man of incredible eloquence and good spelling. Or perhaps, I have been working really hard on avoiding morons such as yourself.

And then I wonder why I gave up on dating web sites after just a few weeks.