Monday, March 8, 2010

Dealing or Not Dealing


My apartment looks like someone broke into it, went through all my drawers, threw the contents on the floor, tosses things around some more, rolled around on the floor and left. Socks, papers, pens, random articles of clothing, remote controls, sunglasses, books, candles and more! can all be found somewhere on my living room floor. Of course, that's only the tip of the iceberg, 'cause my bed room is not in any better shape.

Yup, it's getting closer and closer to the finals week and I am finding less and less time in the day for myself, sacrificing every minute and every bit of my sanity all in hopes that the hard work will pay off and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to snag a rewarding job sometime soon.

Frankly, every time toward the end of each school quarter, I ask myself an all-important question, "How am I going to make it through this week?" All I can do is keep pushing, keep eating take-out food, consume coffee by the buckets and not sleep.

And to add insult to injury, every time I stop to take a break, Mr J pops into my head out of nowhere and all the old emotions come back up to the surface. It is never a more inconvenient time to cut ties with a person you love than during the finals week. The lack of sleep combined with a dose of anxiety mixed with a couple of teaspoons of uncertainty and insecurity are hard to endure as it is. But add all these unresolved emotions that I am trying to put behind me and the mixture becomes almost agonizing.

Perhaps it's not all that bad and being a drama queen is something that I need to do in an effort to deal with it all. Perhaps it is what it is and I need to suck it up and let things run their natural course. Time is the ultimate healer and I am looking forward to the day when I can finally start feeling better. I just know that if Mr J didn't decide to be a complete toolbag, my week would have been just a little easier.

Heart-crushing pain, you are no match for me. Somehow, some way and some day, this too shall pass.

12 comments:

Fluffycat said...

Sometimes being busy like that can help get over heartache. Hang in there. I was never a Mr J fan with all his jealousy and I believe you'll be doing better soon.

OG said...

I agree with Fluffycat (there's a phrase I never thought I'd say). Being busy - especially when it's pouring your time in to bettering yourself - is a great distraction. Also deleting phone numbers, IM screennames, twitter accts, defriending...

Laundramatic said...

I have yet to delete him as a FB friend.. however, I took the first step and deleted his screen name and number. I'm getting there.

P said...

Ouch, sounds like a nightmare of a week. Keep strong! :)

Betties said...

Combining two things no one likes: tests and breakups. Poor thing. :( I do think it's a good idea to delete, like OG said. Also, be careful about excessive caffeine intake--you need rest in order to process all the info you're throwing at yourself and the emotions, too.

The Mrs. said...

awesome blog.. ill be checking in regularly. kudos to dirty laundry!

Derik said...

I usually go on the two-hour schedule on finals week, makes things a bit more tolerable. Sleep two hours, do one subject two hours, do another two hours. Whenever you feel tired, just get yourself a two hour nap, no more, no less. That way you don't get bored with the same subject, you've always got enough energy to get by, and you have more time to accomplish all those late papers, research assignments, and finals study guides.

Good luck.

just lucy said...

nice blog!

sorry to hear you're in pain! hang in there :-)

Ivy and Haley said...

I like this blog.

Jesson said...

Wow impressive blogs

B. Knight said...

Sometimes the clutter in your home can resemble the clutter in your mind...take this time to sort through them both...what you don't need... chuck it! *clearing throat Mr.J*

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