Mr J and the Case of the Ifs, Thens and Maybes

Two days before the start of the winter quarter, I made that excruciating 9 hour drive from Philadelphia back to Cincinnati (hopefully) for the last time ever. I usually make the long drive as opposed to just booking a flight once a year, because my winter break is rather long and I prefer having my car to drive places and not ask my parents to haul my ass everywhere. The latter option just makes me feel like I am 15 all over again.

After seeing most of my Philly friends and visiting most of my old hang out spots in the city, it was pretty hard to say goodbye and drive away, especially knowing that school was about to commence once again. However, despite everything, I was also eager to drive back because Mr J and I made plans to see one another one last time before he went back to law school.

I bitched about the long drive to Mr J via text messages as I was making my way down from Harrisburg to Pittsburgh and through the wilderness of West Virginia to Columbus:

"What a lovely 9 house drive. lol"

He texted me back with, "I'll make it worth your while when you come back ;)"

Ooh baby. I would have lied if I said that text didn't make me put the pedal to the metal and disregard the speed limit for the rest of the trip home. Mr freaking J rocks my world.

Mr J came over around 8 pm that Saturday and we opted out of going out, preferring to have a quiet night in. It was so cozy and fun cuddling up with him on a couch and I couldn't help but think, in the back of my mind, how nice it would be if we were a couple and could do this all the time.

Mr J, meanwhile, was telling me about his plans to transfer law schools over the summer:

"I was thinking about transferring to Cincinnati. How funny would that be."

"Yeah, but I probably won't even be here then," I lamented, "I am kind of looking forwrard to leaving Ohio as soon as I graduate."

"You won't even consider working for any Cincinnati firms at all?" Mr J asked.

I paused. As much as I dislike Cincy and don't want to work for any firms in the area, except for, maybe, one that's not even hiring right now, I enjoyed the idea of being near Mr J. I mean, I've always talked about me rather being single for years and years and waiting for that "right guy" to come along than settling for some average Joe Schmo, but when that right guy did seem to come along, shouldn't I be making a bit of an effort to not move away thousands of miles away from him?

"I don't know. I mean, you never know what's gonna happen. I still have a bit of time to decide, I could possibly consider a firm or two in town if I don't get any other lucrative offers from any other places," I mumbled with uncertainty.

We left the conversation at that, cuddled up in a tight embrace, unresolved in the status of our relationship. Call me crazy but I could see giving up my fun single life and growing old and wrinkly with this guy. Call me insane but I've never had feelings like I have for him for anyone else, not even for previous boyfriends of two years. So the question now becomes... do I consider altering my life plans for this guy (something that I can potentially regret for the rest of my life)? Do I follow my career and leave any potential for a relationship behind? Do I do nothing and wait to see if time apart from each other cools off our feelings for one another?

I am still open to a possibility of dating other people here in Cincinnati, but I would be very suprised if I find anyone, even remotely as awesome as Mr J, here in Ohio or elsewhere. Perhaps the deciding factor would be whether or not Mr J feels the same way about me too.

I just really hate waiting in a limbo.