Some Other Beginnning's End

So I had a blog entry up yesterday for a couple of hours about my Ex, which I posted because I suspected that he still read my blog. Even though it is a public blog, it still made me uncomfortable that he read it. He promised that he would stop reading the blog if I stop talking about him on here. So if anyone happened to come across the entry during the time it was up, I've decided to take it down as I am a woman of my word. I can only hope that I don't find out some way that, another three years from now, he is still reading this despite what was promised.

With that off my chest, I do have something new to report about Mr J.

Tonight I was feeling somewhat antsy as many things in my life are uncertain right now - job, where I am going to live 6 months from now, and the boy situation.

So as I was texting back and forth with Mr J, I decided to ask him a testy question:

"So if I were to, hypothetically, go on a date with someone, would you be upset?"

Gosh, that was immature of me to say that but it was a weak moment and I was wanting to pick at this guy's brain a little bit.

He texted back with, "So if I were to take someone to a dance in two weeks, would you be upset?"

So I guess he was testing me as well. I know this boy well enough by now to know that he is not the best at communicating his feelings but, whenever I am honest with him, he mans up and says what's on his mind as well.

"Even though I asked you first and you didn't answer... yes. I would get a little jealous," I replied. Here I was putting myself out there.

"Well... there is no one I am going to take. If I do go, I will go alone."

So he WAS testing the waters, trying to figure out what I would say.

"Well, I am kinda glad you won't be taking some girl hehe," I typed the last four letter awkwardly as I was trying to lighten up a conversation that, in its essence, was a pretty serious business to me.

We conversed some more. He pushed the subject in a slightly different direction, "So what do you think? Can me and you realistically go anywhere?"

I knew what he meant. He was wondering if he had a future together. And call me crazy but I felt like this conversation could turn good or disastrous in a split second. I did not know what to expect out of Mr J - this could be his way of severing his emotional ties with me. I proceeded with caution.

"Well I don't know what you think on the subject but I feel like it will be easier to figure out once we both find out where our careers are going to take us after May."

"Yeah, we should wait to decide."

"So we'll decide later. I mean, I do like you."

"Same, I like you too," he replied.

So nothing was really decided, nothing set in stone. But I feel like... the very fact that he is, at least, concerned about our future, that he is, at least, wondering where we will end up is way better than not asking me the "Can me and you realistically go anywhere?" question at all. It made me feel more secure that I am not the only one here wondering about my possible future with Mr J.

So am I wrong to hope?