Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Truth about Lies...


... is that they are addictive. Once you tell one white lie and get away with it, you are enticed to lie again, and again, and again. Until those white lies grow and spread and the next thing you know, you are tangled up in a web of falasies that spin off of one another. You get so lost in who you pretend to be that you eventually lose touch of who you are underneath it all.

I remember a friend that I had when I was 18. He was two years older than me but we took the same art history class and sat next to each other during each lecture. While a lot of other kids in that class already knew each other and sat in groups, this guy and I did not know anyone in the class so it was only natural for us to befriend each other.

It started off innocently enough - we had lunch a few times on campus, we swapped notes when either of us missed a class. I told him that I lived at home and not on campus and he, having a car and all, offered to drive me home one day after two months of us knowing each other. As he was driving me to my house on I-95, his girlfriend called his cell and inquired as to where he was going and who he was with.

He said that he was with one of his guy friends, which immediately set off the alarm bells in my head. When he got off the phone, I gave him a silent inquisitive look. Not needing much persuasion, he offered up his explanation, "She doesn't let me have any girl friends. She doesn't let me hang out with any girls at all."

"That's crazy. How is that possible? And why do you put up with that?" I couldn't fathom why this possessive girl was so adamant about her boy not having any contact with any females. I couldn't imagine being with anyone that jealous and manipulating.

He dropped me off that night and drove off to go back home, but the trips to my house became more and more frequent as time went by. One night in November, he dropped me off at my house again and I invited him to come in and watch a movie.

Slowly but surely, during the movie, I felt him moving his hand closer and closer to mine - I didn't mind the closeness, in the back of my mind I kind of expected us to move past the friendship stage for a couple of weeks now. I moved in close to him and though neither one of us said a single word, you could cut the sexual tension in that room with a knife.

After the movie I offered up to walk him to the front door so that I could lock it behind him after he left. I hugged him goodbye but instead of letting go, I let my arms remain in an tight embrace and I lifted my body up on my tiptoes, my lips just inches away from him.

His breath was noticeably quicker but he managed to let out a half-hearted protest, "I don't know.. I don't think my girlfriend would like this..."

For a moment, my inner voice of reason took over me and I stepped back, let my arms let go of the embrace, slight look of guilt in my eyes.
"Yeah, I've never met her, but I don't want you to do anything you will regret doing..." I said, averting my gaze from him.

And that's when he wrapped his arms around my waist and let go of all the reservations and kissed me. I, in turn, forgot about how wrong it was what I was about to do and eagerly kissed him back. It was, without a doubt, one of the hottest kisses I've ever experienced and, to this day, that smooch remains on my list of the top five best kisses ever.

I wish I could say that it was the one and only time we ever crosses the line, but the truth of the matter is that our "affair" continued, on and off, for two years. He never told his girlfriend about any of his transgressions, and even when, after two years, we stopped sleeping with each other, he cheated on his girlfriend with other girls he knew. I could definitely understand why his girl never wanted him to talk to other women - he could not control himself. He was a good friend to me, before and after we became physically intimate, but he was a total jerk of a boyfriend to that girl.

I was in the wrong too, I should have said no to him. But I was operating under a pretense of never intending to get too serious with him, I pretended that it was all in good fun and nothing more. The truth was that at one point of time I became very attached to him... I reread my journal entries dating back to that time and my feelings for him, indeed, ran deep. It was more than just a fling for me.

As far as he goes, his lies never caught up to him, as he eventually got back with the girl he cheated on so many times. Or maybe she did find out about me after all, because, after a while, he stopped talking to me all together. It wasn't a sudden thing, and I didn't even notice that our conversations were growing less and less frequent but after a while... at the age of 22, I realized that I could no longer call him a close friend.

I can't believe that it's been three years now that I haven't talked to him. To this day, I think about him sometimes. Not that I still have feelings for him, not at all, - he was just one of those men that I always wondered about. What if the moment was right back then and he didn't have a girlfriend. What if...

But then again, maybe the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" is true after all. It is true - it is always much less fun being cheated on than being the 'other woman'. As for me, after all was said and done, I vowed to never be the 'other woman' again.

12 comments:

Fluffycat said...

Yeah, he'll probably cheat on anyone. I have a few friends who are serial cheaters, and they always seem to find themselves in situations where cheating is the "right" thing to do. Part of the passion might have been that this guy was somewhat forbidden, someone inaccessible to you as a serious relationship.

Penny Lane said...

Wow. This was really well-written.

I don't know if I believe the "once a cheater always a cheater" saying because I know people who have changed. And I believe that people can change.

I do like that you admitted that you still think about him. There are a couple of guys that I think about every once in awhile, and I always feel bad when I do. But it's human nature, isn't it? To be curious? When these thoughts come to mind, though, I always remember that things really do happen for a reason. And if something in my past was different, then something in my present would be too and I wouldn't trade a single moment.

Anonymous said...

"things happen for a reason" i love that one. easy to say it too when the worst part of your life is your single.

Go tell a holocaust survivor or a kid with brain cancer 'things happen for a reason'.

Laundramatic said...

i wish the "anonymous" bashers would have the balls to sign their names under their out of the left field comments. but maybe they want to remain anonymous for a reason...

so, anonymous, with all due respect - grow a pair.

Anonymous said...

this coming from someone who writes an anonymous blog? or is your real name laundramatic?

Laundramatic said...

my face is on the main page of the blog duh. i am not revealing my name because i don't want my exes google it and have my blog come up. what are you protecting yourself from?

If i wanted to criticize someone's blog / someone's comment, i would most certainly sign it with my name.

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