Thursday, January 15, 2009

Memento

So I don't know, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know a lot of things about a lot of things. I certainly am no expert in categorizing my own emotions or decoding my urges and desires. I analyze and over analyze many things that I feel are worth saying and sometimes I regret not saying how I feel. What is this all leading up to, you ask? I don't know... or maybe I do and I'm too afraid to say it, even in my blog, under a thin veil of anonymity, I still feel the need to guard myself.

What I CAN say right now is that I think I've met a pretty great guy and a part of me is too afraid that a fiasco from two years ago will repeat itself and I will fall for someone whose affection turns into deception, but a part of me is so ready and willing to accept this feeling for what it is.

Because when I was sitting in my Place and Dwelling class this afternoon, my thoughts unexpectedly turned to him and I, unwillingly, smiled. Because when I was walking to my car in a blistering cold today, I wasn't merely walking, I was floating on air.

So who cares if it's all just an illusion and if it all dissipates with time. Who cares that in two months I might be getting an internship in another city. Who care that this fall he might be moving to another state to go to law school. Who cares that he may not turn out to be everything I want him to be. Right now, at this moment, after two cups of coffee and a looming school-related deadline ahead of me, I take a timeout and think of him. Right now, at this moment, everything is perfect.

3 comments:

Melrox said...

I went through a pretty horrible break up 4 months before I met my now husband. My ex really did a number on me. Shattered my world and everything I ever believed in.

Give it a chance. You have to. I will not lie and say that my husband didn't pay the the beginning for some of the hurt my ex put me through, but in the end it was worth it. So he says. HAHA!

I hope it all works out for you!

Anonymous said...

I think it's so rare to find someone who can generate these kinds of emotions in you that, even if it doesn't last, this moment is way too precious to pass up. Enjoy it and don't be so scared to get hurt again... it's all worth it.

- Narci

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