So I don't know, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know a lot of things about a lot of things. I certainly am no expert in categorizing my own emotions or decoding my urges and desires. I analyze and over analyze many things that I feel are worth saying and sometimes I regret not saying how I feel. What is this all leading up to, you ask? I don't know... or maybe I do and I'm too afraid to say it, even in my blog, under a thin veil of anonymity, I still feel the need to guard myself.
What I CAN say right now is that I think I've met a pretty great guy and a part of me is too afraid that a fiasco from two years ago will repeat itself and I will fall for someone whose affection turns into deception, but a part of me is so ready and willing to accept this feeling for what it is.
Because when I was sitting in my Place and Dwelling class this afternoon, my thoughts unexpectedly turned to him and I, unwillingly, smiled. Because when I was walking to my car in a blistering cold today, I wasn't merely walking, I was floating on air.
So who cares if it's all just an illusion and if it all dissipates with time. Who cares that in two months I might be getting an internship in another city. Who care that this fall he might be moving to another state to go to law school. Who cares that he may not turn out to be everything I want him to be. Right now, at this moment, after two cups of coffee and a looming school-related deadline ahead of me, I take a timeout and think of him. Right now, at this moment, everything is perfect.