Saturday, January 10, 2009

I Get Knocked Down, but I Get Up Again

Sometimes my heart lingers on and on and I can't forget one person, that one guy I had a brief romance with for months, even years. Sometimes it's the complete opposite though, where one week I'm crazy about one person but the next I have my eye on the next guy.

This is not to say that this behavior translates itself into "promiscuity". I am very picky as to who I get intimate with and I have to really get to know a guy first to even get to that stage in a relationship. However, I'm at a different point of my life now than I was, say, a year ago. I say that I can wait as long as it takes for that right guy, and that still holds true. But where a year ago it was really hard for me to even acknowledge that I might have feelings for a guy, right now my heart is very much open to romance.

I've always waited for a fairy tale romance. I've always pictured a guy falling madly in love with me and from day one recognizing that I am the one for him. I've always pictured an old-fashioned way of dating this Prince Charming, where he would pick me up on his white horse, er I mean white Cadillac, take me to a tasty sushi restaurant, followed by some jazz lounge for cocktails, followed by some demure flirting and compliments whispered softly in my ear.

I realize that it probably won't happen that way because deep down there are more things that I want from this guy. Some of those things, surprisingly, go against my better judgment and that makes me wonder if I'm grown up enough and mature enough to handle a relationship.

Just last week I was so swept away by this guy I met in Philly because he was the first guy to treat me just the way I feel I deserve to be treated. Sure, a lot of things and compliments he said to me sounded rehearsed but I knew that I would be leaving town in a short while so I didn't mind that.

This week, and it's too premature to say at this point so I won't go into too much detail, I met someone else who lives in the Cincinnati area. He actually called me last night, while I was at a bar with friends, and I did an emotional cartwheel in my head the minute I saw his number pop up on my phone. I stepped outside to talk to him and we chatted for about 15 minutes. I should have just left it there and waited for him to make the next move, but of course, I didn't.

Thoroughly inebriated, I texted him later on in the night with "It was really nice talking to you :)" He responded promptly with "You too, girl. Are you having a good time?"

I was. And I had enough to drink to continue texting him for the next hour or so. Like, how dumb of me to just lay it all out there and let him know how interested I am in him. While it's true that when I met this guy, I felt an immediate connection with him - the kind of connection that I've only experienced a few times in my life. I was so excited about feeling that way again that I wasn't even worried about letting my guard down so soon. I figured, it's about time. Even if I end up getting hurt, it's about time for me to get hurt again.

Of course, it's a bit disappointing for me that I let the guy know that I think he's pretty incredible. He's one of those types of people who lets such things immediately go to his head. He's already got a pretty large ego, and the last thing he needs is knowing that some girl thinks he's the bee's knees only five days after our initial meeting.

I guess now my strategy would be to wait for him to initiate contact with me. That is, if he still wants to talk to me. Only time will tell how all of this turns out. Until then, I sit tight, remain sober, and play the waiting game.


Paula said...

Good luck with the guy! :) Keep us updated on any developments.

Anonymous said...

Ah, the waiting game... Like holly Madonna said: "Time goes by so slowly for those who wait, no time to hesitate".


almost loved said...

I hate the waiting game. I'm never good at it. I almost always give in.

Anonymous said...

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