I think I've been getting drunk far too often to cope with my feelings, lately. I know, not the best solution to one's problem, but that gin and tonic look awfully appealing when you feel your laughter is about to turn to tears, when you are at a bar you used to go to with your ex, surrounded by things you used to associate with romance and butterflies.
It's that tantalizing first sip, that enticing second gulp that stings your throat with bitterness and promise. It's the way you start to feel after a while, like nothing and no one can hurt you, that liquid badge of courage that numbs your senses and emotions.
I say I don't care and that it doesn't bother me a bit that the break-up occurred but, the truth is, I am just not brave enough to admit to anyone that I am hurting. Maybe not even emotionally, as things were quietly falling apart for some time now, but definitely mentally. How he could just say that it's over and leave without even looking back.
Isn't this the way things always go? One person leaves because they can't wait to move on, while the other pretends to be all right, while they scramble to piece their love life together.
Truth is, I am throwing myself into this rebound stage where I feel like I am about to hurt a really good guy. And another part of me, the cynical one, tells my brain that I should go ahead and do it anyway, because there are no good guys out there.
I don't want to drink to suppress my feelings and I don't want to hurt the rebound guy, but I think I just might end up doing both, anyway.