Thursday, February 9, 2012

How to Behave During a Break-Up (A Classy Edition)

Ladies, (and I'm sorry gentlemen if I am leaving you out of this, but I can't really direct this to you personally as the post below will be coming from direct personal experience).... Ladies, you are about to get dumped. You know it, you've been feeling it coming for quite some time and though you did not want to accept it as reality... you did know that this was going to happen sooner rather than later.

A part of you probably wants to scream and shout and say phrases like "Fuck men!" and "I am going to remain single for the rest of my life!" A part of you wants to post vaguely bitchy messages on Facebook and run your mouth to all those that are willing to listen, telling them what an inadequate son of a bitch you ex-boyfriend really was and, probably, still is.

But, here's the deal. You are better than that. You are well educated, accomplished and kind of a big deal. You've got men (granted, not the men that you want...) swooning all over you and you've pretty much got your shit together (minus those random drunken nights that you had one too many... those things you pretty much want to forget). Keep it together. Follow the simple rules below and you're gonna come out as the absolute class act out of this breakup.

1) Wear a killer outfit to the place where you are going to have The Break-Up Talk. A coffee shop? A park? Yes, regardless, try to look flawless and effortless. Tell him that you are coming straight from work but, instead, take your time to put yourself together in a classy sleek, hip-hugging pencil skirt and a cute top. Make yourself look sexy but not slutty. Show him what he is going to be missing out on and do not, for one second, look remorseful about anything.

2) Be kind, flash a restrained smile and make statements like, "Of course, I understand. " Give a supporting reason why you DO understand so that it doesn't seem like you are agreeing just for the sake of agreeing.

3) Look at your watch or your cell phone clock, discretely but noticeably, as he is pouring his soul out to you as to why he cannot take the next step in a relationship. You are polite but you are also a busy woman. You've got places to go and little time to waste on people like your unimportant ex-boyfriend.

4) Do not flirt with the cute waiter that serves you your cappuccino, but look at him just for a second too long. Long enough for your ex to notice that, yes, you will be ready to move on in no time.

5) Do give him a hug goodbye. The kind of hug you would typically give your brother.

6) Do not turn around and look back once you've said the final parting words. Walk away with dignity. You never have to see him again. You will have more than enough opportunities for rebounds and relationships and breakups. He will be a blur in your timeline (thanks, Facebook, for ruining THAT word for me) in no time.

7) Do not cry. Convince yourself that you are all right. You ARE all right. Fake it 'til you make it and keep walking with your head held high.

True Story. Goodbye, Banker (and as much as I think that you're a stellar guy, go fuck yourself, nevertheless).


P said...

Damn girl, I am sorry to hear this.But well done with the classy reaction! *Hugs*

Smidge said...

Well done hon. Now keep walking with your head up (and keep dressing that way for work too!)

Fluffycat said...

Sorry to hear about this... but I am glad you are moving on in a classy way.

Dianne R. said...

great job being classy. i wish i had read this before my epic break up with the ex.

singSling said...

Super! Google got me here when I was searching "Dating Scene in Singapore" ! I then read like I guess the previous fifteen of your posts...
All the best with the banker..! :)

Pam the Realtor said...

Nooooooo! I can't believe he did that to you! But I do love your advice and totally agree. He screwed up and one of these days will realize it.

Keep your head high. It always goes back to you gotta kiss a lot of frogs . . . .

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