Monday, October 31, 2011

Color Me Confused

You know, I just don't get it. If a guy is not that into you and is looking for something better, then why is he making plans with you? Why is he asking you to meet your roommates? Why does he offer up an idea of you and him going on a weekend vacation together?

I am conflicted as to what kind of game The Banker is playing. I have not brought up what I know yet, because I simply don't know how to. It's not like I can just go:

"Hey, so you've been checking your online dating profile quite frequently, you little bastard. What's up with that?"

A part of me keeps telling myself that I am overreacting and that I should keep calm, keep my guard up and sleep with one eye open. But what kind of a relationship is that?

But things are so fucking good on the surface. I cannot comprehend why a man would put on such a front and continue dating me if he is just looking for a way out. Or for another woman for that matter.

A part of me wants to punch him in the face. Or kick him right in the balls in a middle of a busy street and walk away while he's grabbing his crotch in excruciating pain.

Another part of me keeps hoping that it' all just nothing. And while I can't come up with even one reasonable explanation to his prowling around a dating site, I am still struggling to understand his motives.

Like, why would he give me a code to his apartment, knowing that I can come in at any time and take anything I want from his place. Why bother going through all this trouble of putting on a sweet and innocent facade for four months now.

There was one time four years ago when I posted a guy's number on a gay dating site and told everyone and their mother to call him for a "good time". Yes, that was four years ago but, when push comes to shove and when I feel like I am being disrespected to no end... well, then I won't be above doing the same with The Banker's number. Hell hath no fury...

But really,

I just want things to be normal. For once in my love life. Not too much to ask for, eh?


P said...

After giving this some thought it could be that he likes you and hopes it will work... but is keeping his options open just in case.

Look at it this way... he was on the site already right? Perhaps paid money for it. (Not that he's short of a bob or two money-wise, going by your pseudonym for him). Or perhaps he's not 100 percent sure you are definitely going to stick around?

It's not like he started dating you, THEN went on the website and made a profile (which happened to me, and that was horrendous).

I don't think it's great that he's done this, don't get me wrong. But it's a bit like he's just hedging his bets maybe. Probably insecurity. It's not that he thinks he could find somebody better. He's possibly more worried that YOU might... :-)

I'm the worst for taking my own advice, but maybe you could bring it up with him somehow? Not the way you mentioned, but if you knew he had been on the site anyway in the first place maybe you could bring it up and ask if he's still on it, or if he's disabled his profile or whatever? See what he says to that?

Sorry for the long comment! Let us know how it works out anyway and try not to worry too much about this. It sounds like this guy does really like you.

Tom said...

Honestly, the best course of action is just speaking with him about it. Don't do it in an accusation kind of way (in case there is a good reason), it'll just spawn an argument, just ask him, discuss it. If he is being a prick, screw that then!

GirlX said...

I'm a little late, just catching up on your posts. I read often but hardly comment.

If this were my situation, I wouldn't be happy. In my book, when you're considered "exclusive" then that's it. There are no more dating ads, for any reason. The last encounter I had, we called it exclusive and I deleted my ad the next day. When I checked, his was gone too. I was pleasantly surprised, but really, that shouldn't be the case. It's not like you agreed to "casually date and see where it leads."

Personally, I don't like it. I would find a way to bring it up. If you knew about the ad already, then maybe just ask "so... have you deleted that dating ad yet?" I used to have a friend who was on the same sites as I was, so it was easy for me to say "my friend J saw your ad out there while..." because she usually was on the lookout for me anyway.

I'm just too old to play these damn games anymore. If you're into me, then be into me. If you're not, then don't act like it and still keep your eye on the road.

Either way, I hope for the best...