Saturday, August 20, 2011

Too Little, Too Late?

The last several weeks had all been leading up to one question. I knew it. He knew it. It's like the moment I started giving Mr J a cold shoulder, he instantly turned into a big Cling-o-saurus and laid out all of his feelings on the proverbial table.

Needless to say, I wasn't surprised when Mr J, after 2.5 years of informal, on-and-off dating, finally popped the question.

Well, no, he didn't ask me to marry him but, what do you know, during our video chat he just blurted it out:

"So would you like to be my girlfriend?"

Well, well. Color me surprised.

With those eight words, Mr J had officially outdone himself once again with his own shenanigans. Let's quickly review the craziness: he waited until I crossed the Atlantic and flew all the way across the world to live in another country for God knows how long to finally decide that he was ready for a very formal, very official commitment.

Now I am faced with a new dilemma. The problem in question is that I don't know if I want the same thing as Mr J any more. So I basically had no choice but to dodge the girlfriend question. I told him that I had to Skype with my mom and that, with the way he and I had been fighting about my going-out habits, it is not really a good time to be solidifying our relationship.

What I did not tell him about is the fact that I am still seeing The Banker who, despite his flakiness, has been quite a little charmer. Yeah, omitting this (not so) minor detail is a major faux pas on my end, but I am just beyond confused about my personal life and sorting this shit out just seems like too much work for me right now.

I am going to try and ride this wave for just a bit longer with, perhaps, disastrous consequences.

But what's a girl to do when she's not sure? When a guy she's been fancying for what seems like a lifetime now had always refused to define the relationship in specific terms, until now? When a guy she's been fancying now lives a 25-hour flight away? When a guy she's been fancying went from telling her that he's not sure if he can ever fall in love with her to professing his commitment?

And when the said girl no longer has all of her eggs in one basket.


P said...

Eek. What a dilemma!!!! Good luck sorting that one out, hon!

Mr J, the MASTER of excellent timing... :-)