Hope Sinks (...and My Life Gets Better in the Process)

In my battle between my heart and my brain, my brain won big time. That is not to say that I've shed some tears (okay, many tears) along the way. But in the game of love and career, I pushed the always tumultuous, very on-and-off but often fulfilling-in-a-somewhat-unhealthy-way relationship with Mr J to the back to give way to my career dreams and boundless aspirations.

Even ten days ago, I wouldn't have predicted that I would be in the situation I am today. Ten days ago I was panicking, nervously counting down the days until the end of my contract job.

"Holy shit," I thought as the first of April came along, "I have less than a month at this job... and then what? Where am I going? What the hell am I gonna do with myself??"

I toyed with the idea of going to a business school and changing my careers all together. Design jobs are hard to come by in the US nowadays, and even the best of us look nervous at the lack of projects on the horizon. So business school sounded like a good idea for a while, even if it did mean going down in loan debt even more.

I took all the necessary tests and got accepted to a few very exceptional schools. The problem was... my heart wasn't in it. Honestly? I dreaded sitting at an office in a business suit for the rest of my days, crunching numbers and schmoozing with financial analysts. Ew. Not for me.

But about three weeks ago, plagued with doubts, I started applying for architectural jobs, just for the heck of it. I thought, what's the worst that can happen?

Which brings me to today. Today, just a few hours ago to be exact - I got a job offer that turned my world upside down and has, as of this moment, all the potential to turn my expectations for the future into a completely different but even more fulfilling lifestyle. And I gotta say, I am pretty thrilled about it.

What I am trying to say is....

I'LL BE MOVING TO SINGAPORE IN LESS THAN TWO MONTHS.

Now does this mean a complete and total end to anything I might have had remaining with Mr J? Probably. If not today, then in a few weeks. If not in a few weeks then in a few months. I haven't told him yet, but we've been distant lately anyway. If anything, this is a sign from whatever higher powers may there be that Singapore is the right move for me.

I wanna live in that dream across the world, where construction never stops and design jobs are abundant. Where it's summer all year around and the beaches are nearby at all times. I want to live this life so that some day I can tell my children how to live their lives - to not be afraid to take risks, and not be scared of new experiences.

If anything, I'm sure I can meet another Mr J somewhere half way around the world. Right?