Ya know what? I like this. I like being in love. I got a hold of myself shortly after I broke down like a little school girl during the last post and was finally able to evaluate the situation with Mr. January after clearing my head with some sobering thoughts:
-Chances are that Mr. J and I will NOT end up together. Does that bother me? Yes. Am I coming in terms with it? Somewhat. Am I letting it stop me from enjoying myself and the way my heart feels at the moment? Absolutely not.
-I am still allowed to flirt with other sexy guys out there. Granted, I was never much of a flirter - I hardly ever giggle and bat my eyelashes and act a cute little fool in front of a guy, unless I am on a DATE date. Granted that when I am infatuated with someone (ahemmrJahem), it is very hard for me to notice someone else, even if it is Ryan Reynolds walking down the street shirtless (okay... maybe i'd notice Mr. Abs-of-Steel-Reynolds.... but he's one in a million). And this is coming from Miss Wandering Eye, as I never miss an opportunity to silently drool over a hottie if he happens to cross my path. No, no, when I am infatuated with someone, he is the only guy who occupies all of my thoughts - there is no room for any other hunky poster boys. Nevertheless, I need to remind myself that I can still enjoy being single, regardless of my feelings for Mr. January
-Mr. J is just a reminder that there ARE wonderful guys out there who are cute AND smart. I mean, I am so continuously refreshed by the fact that Mr. J has the looks and the BRAINS. As I get older, I am becoming increasingly intolerant of guys who have nothing intelligent to say or have no personality. I remember this one time I went on a date with this guy who didn't know who Sarah Palin was, and that was right before the election!!! I wanted to smack him silly and shake the boy to his senses. What a waste of a human being it is when a person does not possess a thirst for knowledge. What a mistake it is to think that someone who loves books and learning needs necessarily to fulfill the stereotype of a nerdy geek and be dull and boring in all other aspects!
-Mr. J is studying to be a lawyer. That means 80-hour weeks of work - hardcore, grueling hard-as nails work, but the truth is... I need someone like that! My passion for my profession is tough to handle by those who are not passionate about their jobs themselves. I seek to find an individual who can work hard, be happy about the work he does, and carry that happiness over into other aspects of his life. I want a guy who pulls long work hours like me, comes home ready to kick off the night in style, takes me out to an amazing restaurant to savor the irresistible flavors of French, or Italian, or Russian, or Japanese food, then comes back home with me for a night of mind-blowing love making. Though I am 25, I still have the energy of a 15 year old and I'd love for a guy to share my indispensible love for life with me, instead of moaning and groaning about work and being a couch potato.
All in all, my rant's purpose here is to motivate myself to embrace the love that I am feeling right now, to not be afraid of getting hurt (if heartbreak is in the cards). The truth is - I am thankful for Mr. J, however fleeting his presence in my life may be. He reminded me why it is so good and healthy to love and why opening up my heart is always worth it.