Sunday, August 17, 2008

Time

The Neighbor asked me to be his girlfriend.
I'm not ready but then again, it's only been a week. I need more time.

It's funny because my last serious boyfriend also asked me out after only one week of knowing me. We ended up dating for two years with, at one point, him wanting to propose to me.
Marriage? Me? Ever? Never.

I don't feel like I am ever going to be able to open up to someone so completely so I could get hurt if they decided to leave me. I was always the one to got to do the leaving, save for one relationship. That one hurt me the most because I was left helpless in shambles for longer than I'd like to admit.

I work hard and, at times, tirelessly so I can always rely on myself, my finances. I feel that relying on anyone other than myself is like gambling with your safety and security. I hate how I watched Michael Phelps win his eighth gold medal yesterday and I saw his mother cry because she was so proud of her son. I hate that I feel that I haven't made my parents that proud yet.

And love is a feeling that still haunts me sometimes when I make dinners for one or when I watch my favorite movies online by myself. I want to share parts of me with someone... and maybe not the whole me. Not right away. But I want to know that someone can take me for who I am and not get sick of me.

Maybe someday it will be The Neighbor. Just not today. He's got potential but I just need more time.

5 comments:

Paula said...

Man, I can't even get guys to ask me OUT, let alone want me to be their girlfriend. I'm jealous!!! But conversely I understand what you mean too...

Anthony Romano said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Son said...

Hate to be cliche'd, but you need to trust if anyone is ever going to give you the love that you want.

narcissiste said...

Think this is weird? The Playboy actually proposed to me after spending a few days with me! It's crazy so of course I thought it was too soon just like you, but then he asked me to move in with him. I get what you feel right now... it's scary when someone really loves you. You don't know what to make of it.

The IT Girl said...

Give it time. After all, if he really likes you he will understand.