I really don't know if there are still people out there over the age of twenty who refuse to believe that the minute a boy and a girl have sex, everything changes. I don't know why many horny guys, in a heat of a passion, still want to propagate the lie of "Nothing is going to change. It is not a big deal. Things will be just the same as before."
So this weekend, I've decided to take my chances. I've decided that it was time to do it with the PDA Guy. My affections for him have grown exponentially in the past couple of weeks, despite a few set backs here and there. In fact, whether we had directly talked about it or not - I've decided that I was going to be exclusive with him. That meant calling my second date off with the Hot Guy.
I know a lot of people take advantages of the opportunities presented to them when they are single. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Dating two or more people, without expecting anything overly serious to come out of a relationship is perfectly fine. However, I am one of those people who, the moment they begin to genuinely like someone, forget about their back-up plans and other dates and devote themselves wholly to the affections of one person.
I know it may be crazy, but I couldn't even stomach thinking abut kissing the Hot Guy, if we were to have another date. When I am in my infatuation mode, I can't think of anyone else in a sexual manner because, inevitably, my thoughts turn to the person I am currently crushing on. No one else matters. No one else comes even close.
I know, just a few weeks ago I was far from sure if I was even going to see the PDA Guy again, based on my, then, mixed feelings about him. But as we hung out more and more, I couldn't deny my unquestionably increasing intellectual and physical attraction to this guy.
So this weekend I felt it was the right time to play more than kissy face with the PDA Guy. I figured it was time to take it all the way. Seal the deal. Bring the train home. Whoa, I should stop right now....
And now that we are in the "after sex" stage of our relationship, I am wondering if this is where it all goes down the drain or if this is really something that's going to cement itself in my personal history as more than a fling. I kind of don't want another failed quasi-friendship ended prematurely by sex. It's been almost a year to date since my first date with mrX - a guy who broke my heart like no one ever had before. It took me six stinking months to get over what was a fairly short relationship, all because I fell for him too fast and too soon. I am cautious as I had vowed that I would never fall for a guy in that short period of a time ever again. And though I am not at that point with the PDA Guy yet, I can definitely attest that I am developing a HUGE crush on him.
So what's going to happen now? I don't know. Did PDA Guy really just use me? I don't know. Am I being too analytical and overly dramatic? I don't know (bordering on a yes).
What I DO know if that tomorrow is his birthday and in a few short minutes I am doing to be driving all the way to Kentucky (25 minutes!) to a fancy liquor store to buy him an expensive, luxurious bottle of his favorite liquor. I will spend way too much money tonight, and tomorrow I will text him bright and early with a "Happy Birthday" message. And if he gets back to me, I will breathe a sigh of relief. And the seas will part, and flowers will bloom, and everything will be right with the world. But if he doesn't... then hey, at least I get to keep the liquor. And drink it too.