Friday, October 26, 2007

Three Weeks

I woke up this morning with a sinking feeling in my stomach that I know, no matter how hard I will try to ignore, will persistently bother me for the rest of the day. No, I don't have diarrhea or a virus, or an upset stomach. I have an upset heart. Yet again. It's just that every time I am emotionally overwhelmed (whether it be in a positive or a negative way), those emotions seem to go straight to the bottom of my bowels where they create this sort of an ugly alternative to the butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling. But let's back up a little bit.

The guy I've been seeing for about three weeks now was extremely nice and considerate and everything a guy is supposed to be... at first. Up until a few days ago, everything was pretty much as close to perfect as it could get. I was enjoying that feeling to complete and total peacefulness that I haven't felt in a long time. Everything in my life was just right. But, of course, all good things must come to an end.

It all began a few days ago (Tuesday) when the guy called me after one of my classes. Nothing weird happened then. the conversation went fine but the weird thing was... as I was talking to him, I began to feel this strange sinking feeling. I felt like I was trying to desperately hold on to something that was slipping away right from under my fingers. That feeling grew more persistent when that night, for the first time in three weeks, the guy didn't call when he said he would. There were no phone calls from him the next day either.

The feeling was now pretty overwhelming. I couldn't shake it off as I went from class to class that day. I couldn't help but check my phone from time to time for missed phone calls and that night I almost jumped out of my seat when I heard my phone vibrate in my bag. My heart was beating like crazy as my fingers anxiously wrapped around the smooth sleek surface of my Samsung M510 and I looking at the incoming call on my cell phone's light-up screen.

Incoming call from... Mom

I felt silly and foolish and all sorts of stupid at that moment. I wanted to yell and scream at myself for becoming overly attached to someone I had barely known for three damn weeks. But, most of all, I wanted that feeling back. That feeling I am addicted to because I never get enough of it. That feeling of dating someone new and being completely certain that they like you too and that they are, indeed, going to call you when they say they would.

So that was Wednesday. On Thursday, he called to inform me that he lost his cell phone when he was drunk on Tuesday night and that is why he hasn't called. He said he would call back later on, after he got off work. Surprise, surprise, he never called.

So, I kind of wonder: if he ever calls again, should I even bother answering? I mean, yes I like him. I mean, I REALLY like him. But I don't want to be sitting around and constantly checking my phone in hopes that maybe he will call. I've got other stuff that I should spend my energy worrying about. Like, that paper that's due Monday. Or that project that's due Monday. Or that other paper that's due Monday. Oh my God, Monday is going to suck!

I just don't understand why men do this. Why they pull back like that, with no explanations and reasons to do so. Am I dating the wrong type? Or am I the problem?


Scotty said...

I would feel the same way. To me, at least, dependability is key. If you can't depend on a boyfriend/girlfriend to just follow through with what they say.. it kinda says something.

As for the sinking feeling, it sucks. And I think its just intuition, you had sensed it before all of this came about.

I don't think you are the problem, you just need to find someone who appreciates you as much as you appreciate them.

la cubana gringa said...

I'll tell you why most men pull the disappearing (or, alternatively, the becoming an asshole)'s simple really. It's because it's easier than manning up and being honest with the girl they're dating that he's just not that into her. (It's all in the book "He's Just Not That Into You".) In other words, he's too much of a coward to be honest. It's easier to either avoid you or tell you little white lies that will appease you (like "Oh, I lost my cell phone.")

My advice: Learn what you were supposed to learn from this relationship. And then move on. You deserve more.

Anonymous said...

I love it! Very creative!That's actually really cool.

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