Friday, August 6, 2010

Poetic Injustice

It snuck up on me all of the sudden. This thing called Life. It crept up gently and without a single acknowledgement from me, like these things often do. Before I knew it, the stars aligned for just one second and my part-time job and my move to Philadelphia led me to a position at a famous architecture firm, even if this position is only for 3 months. I landed it - a simple girl who sent in a cover letter and a resume three months ago - I got a call for an interview and got the job three days later.

Now I have a temporary full time job, a long-term part-time job on the weekends. I write for a weekly blog and I am going to be starting business school prep classes in 5 days. What does this all mean?

Me wishing I had a freaking guy by my side so I could share my brief nights off and a few glasses of wine (cause, damn it, I am not about to give up alcohol).

"Missing you already..."

I drove all the way through the bland nothingness of the Ohio Valley to the turns and curves ofthe Pennsylvania mountains to the city I longed for, the City of Brotherly Love. The city where I feel so at home even after nights of drinking and dealing with popped collar douchebags.

"I'm feeling kind of lonely, knowing that you won't be close to me any more..."

I felt deep satisfaction, ordering a Yuengling - what turns out to be a Pennsylvania-specific beer that people in other states consider to be a treasure. I felt the urge to tell the bouncers and bartenders who checked my ID that I wasn't REALLY from Ohio. That I was simply returning to my home I had the need to leave for a few years.

"When can we see each other again... with our busy schedules... when will it be..."

I drove to my high school, remembering all the road turns and stop signs along the way. I drove past the old Genuardi's - a grocery store I've never been to but drove past every day on my way to and from school. I drove past Jeanes hospital - the one I had to be taken to one night to remedy my severe asthma attack. I drove past my favorite bars and shops - ooh, that Nicole Millerstore... haven't been to it in a couple of years! SHOPPING!!

"Don't know if I can last with you in Philly, you going out with new guys to clubs and bars..."

I don't know either, Mr J. But all of my self-imposed glitz and glamour of the big metropolis pales at the thought of never seeing you again.

You're the only guy I've ever loved this much. (Yeah yeah, I'm being cheesy...) Everyone else fails to come even remotely close. Maybe some day you can see that being jealous of the "new guys" is a fruitless effort. All the new guys in the world can't compare to you.

I hope you can last with me in Philly. 'Cause despite the occasional meaningless dates I go on, to cure my boredom, that I don't tell you about, I can wait years for you. And you're the only guy I've ever been able to say this about.


philosothink said...

Loved the post and have lived it, it's a bittersweet journey down roads long ago traveled! When I go back to place I have been now, it's odd to see how much the trees have grown! You're old when....

Don't worry so much about the man craving thing though. It's just natural biological mechanisms trying to nag you into looking harder. You don't have to even give it the time of day, let alone lengthy thought.

Modern civilization has removed the hardships of living in the elements, but the craving for a partner to help you survive is in you as strongly as it was every other human female from the dawn of the species. The instinct remains, even though the biological pressure is gone.

The way science is going, you will probably never physically age beyond your mid thirties, given science keeps progressing at the current rate. Aging will be a vaccine.

We'll all be living to be 200 and going to college for 40 years. There is no rush. Enjoy your success and position for a bit and try not to stress over the biological urges :)

P said...

I hope you do find a conclusion with Mr J, one way or the other. Fingers crossed.

hotpink said...

you're where I least, your heart is. You're just much better at expressing it. Thank you for your blog.