Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Girlfriend Experience

Many have heard of the service call girls offer called "The Girlfriend Experience." I, for one, have heard about it first on the Showtime series "A Diary of a Call Girl" a couple of years ago and have been intrigued by the topic since.

The main heroine, Belle, meets with her regular client who pays her not only to have sex with him but for her to act like his girlfriend for a weekend. That entitles going to the movies together, holding hands, cuddling, calling each other "honey" and "sweetheart" - all the usual things couples in love do. Belle is quite a diligent actress, as I suppose she has to be being a high-class British call girl, and puts on an excellent act transforming from a vivacious vixen at night into a googly-eyed girl-next-door by day. The only unorthodox exchange that occurs between Belle and her client is the transaction of money. He pays her to be his girlfriend and goes back to work a single man on Monday morning.

But can this "Girlfriend Experience" transpose itself out of the taboo world of paid sex and into the everyday real world. Do us singles not, even those single bachelors or bachelorettes who choose to be alone because they want to, all crave the "girlfriend/boyfriend experience" once in a while?

There is a level of connection created between a man and a woman (or a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, etc) when there is more interaction between them than just sex. That is, cuddling, hugging, kissing, holding hands - it all involves a level of openness and trust in another person that is not present in the act of sex in it of itself. One night stands never connect us to another on an emotional level and, whether or not we consider one-night-stands to even be morally right or safe, their primary function is always pure physical satisfaction.

With the "girlfriend experience", the goal is to experience what it is like to feel a strand of a deeper connection and, whether that connection has been paid for with money or it genuinely exists and we just do not have a priority for it, we all want to possess it once in a while.

I believe what I had with Mr J was just that - I can call it the "Relationship experience". While there was no exchange of money, the distance was the dividing factor that only brought us together during holidays. During those times that we were together, it was very much under the pretense of forgetting about the fact that we would be separating again soon for a very long time. We ate dinner together, cuddled together, made breakfast together - and it was what we both needed to feel like we WERE, in fact, together. Except, in reality, there was never any official commitment made between us.

He called me late last night and the phone awoke me from sleep. I knew that he was out celebrating his birthday earlier and was returning home from a bar and, as he would usually do, he was calling me because he knew I would be there for him. And I wanted to answer, I really did but I had to let my brain dictate my actions in this case. And my brain said, "Remember how he behaved to you when YOU needed him in the emergency room? Go back to bed and don't worry about his drunk ass."

So I sent him a "Get home safe, Mr J" text and returned right back to dreamland. The "Girlfriend/Boyfriend experience" only works for so long. After a while, if all you can have is the experience and not the relationship, it is best to move right along all together.


Anonymous said...

I went through something very similar! Way to be strong and not answer his call.

Firebolt said...

Well written indeed..

I guess - almost at every stage in life AFTER we have found the 'one', one still wants the 'lovers' feeling to remain intact in a relationship <3

Derik said...

There is actually a movie called 'The Girlfriend Experience,' which stars porn actress Sasha Grey as the main character, also a call girl who works primarily as a part-time girlfriend. Interesting stuff, even if I only watched it peripherally.

I think that you may be correct in thinking that humans need to feel this sort of relationship once in a while; it's in our nature to want to be accepted and accepting, it's what we are.

But also, I find it intriguing that you say money can buy this feeling, whether love or not, and I happen to agree with that view--though, for all I know, you're just an American like me, searching for the dream; usually fueled by (what else) money. Can money buy all these things? I think, 'Why not.'

P said...

Weird - I started a post earlier about the things I feel like I miss within a relationship. A lot of what you say here reminds me of what I wasn't quite able to put into words - perhaps it will inspire me to finish it now.

Good for you for staying strong re: Mr J. Who is obviously, for the record, still hung up on you. said...

There are times when you have to cut off the line of communication and go Cold Turkey. as long as these guys know we're there to be their air bag, the longer the'll fall back on us. Bookmarking you now!

tinymiyo said...

nice write up