Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Jealousy Woes

Mr. January is supposed to drive down to L-ville this or next weekend, and I am pretty thrilled to see him. We have been pretty casual with each other - each understanding that our immediate priorities lie elsewhere besides dating each other but also recognizing that, damn, we share an awesome physical connection (and it doesn't hurt that our personalities mesh well too).

Yesterday, however, in our conversation through a series of text messages, I caught a glimpse of a side of him that I was not aware of. I might be mistaking and basking too much in my own naivete, but I think he was... jealous. Jealous of me dating other people.

He texted me with an advise about his impending move to law school but the conversation quickly turned to a subject of dating.

MJ: You been dating someone? I haven't heard from you...
Me: No, I haven't been on any dates lately. I was gonna ask you if you were planning on coming down here one night this weekend?
MJ: Wow, one night huh? I'd like to for sure. Which night would work best?
Me: Saturday would work for me. I am taking Sunday off from work.
MJ: Sat better than Fri?
Me: Yeah, but I need to know what you're planning on doing by this Thursday. My friend wants to come down from Cinci to see this DJ at a club. I don't care for the DJ so I could tell him that I'm not gonna go with him. I'd rather see you.
MJ: Well if you have other guys to schedule me around, that's not fun.
Me: He's just a friend. Strictly platonic.
MJ: Uh huh lol. Just a friend driving 5 hours to stay the night and sleep on the couch.
Me: It's a 2 hr drive, and yes.
MJ: It's hard for me to believe youre not hookin up with these guys friends of yours. Cause no guy drives that far just to see a DJ...

I hesitate to text back... I am not used to Mr. January question my actions. He can't be jealous of my friends - my friends mean everything to me. So what if they're guys?

MJ: I am just careful with who I see and if they're seeing multiple guys, I just don't do it. You seem to always be having guys come stay the night lol
Me: Well I'm not hooking up with anyone if that's what you're implying. I told you 90% of people in my architecture program are guys. That's why I have so many guy friends.
MJ: Yeah but, I know guys too. And they never drive 2 hours to see a girl and stay the night just for a DJ. It's just you go on dates and have guys spend the night and drive from Cinci to see you all the time... what am I supposed to think?
Me: I only had 2 guys make the drive. It's really not that far. I'd make that drive to Cinci for a friend. But I think you should come this Saturday - I think you're cute and I wanna make out with you :P
MJ: But how many dates/ other friends you say that to? I mean we all know several different guys don't just come that far for nothing.
Me: Trust me you're the only "friend" I tell I wanna make out with.
MJ: I don't know if I'll come this weekend. Wouldn't wanna ruin your "friends" date.
Me: Well I have never been the type to hook up with my friends and I don't want to defend myself for something I don't do. I don't know anyone in this city - of course, I want my friends to visit me, who wouldn't? I don't know who you take me for, but I am not a slut who sleeps around with everyone.
MJ: I do believe you. Hard to believe but I'll believe you.

and seconds later...

MJ: Obviously I don't wanna just be a part of your normal rotation of guys. But what am I supposed to think? Put yourself in my shoes.
Me: We've been talking and hanging out for 6 months. Obviously, you're not just a part of a rotation as you call it.
MJ: But if you have plans with a dude, I wouldn't wanna interrupt.
Me: I'd rather make plans with you.
MK: Ok, I'll see what's up. You still want me?

After that we kind of mended things. Even though I was a little taken aback by his jealousy (?), I was kind of turned on by the fact that he appeared to care a little.

Okay, so I'm not stupid. I should know that I have every right to make out with any guy I please because Mr. January and I are not together. Whether he likes it or not, I will continue going on dates, continue seeing other people, regardless of what he thinks. Of course, I won't dive into details with him as to whom I've been kissing and who bought me a drink - I can see now that it's been bruising his ego. But then again, he really has no right to expect me to sit loyally by my phone and wait for him to call me, meanwhile remaining as chaste as a nun.

If things were different, I'd want him as my boyfriend. In this situation, however, I am not letting things go anywhere beyond lust - and that means keeping other people (guys) around me to occupy my mind.


P said...

hmmm - he's being a bit of a prick as far as i can see right now. why can't he trust you when you say you don't want to be with anyone else??? as a girl who also has a lot of guy friends, I can identify . . . the thing is, I can see where he maybe worries as i have had a lot of guy friends who liked me as more than a friend . . . but that doesn't mean i'm going to act on it. and he should TRUST you.

sorry if that was a bit nonsensical . . . it's just my stream of thought!

Anonymous said...

What bothers me in all this is that he seems to assume you're going to have sex with any guy friend (including him) who drives 2 hours to see you, and that sex is definitely on the menu just because they're visiting from another city...I'd be offended!

Plus, he's making it sound like he's not sure if you're worth the trip if you're not going to spend every minute of his stay with him because you have other guys on the program.

I could be wrong though!

- N

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