All the Single Ladies

I did something ballsy last night. Something that I haven't done in almost two years because the last time the outcome wasn't so great. I asked a guy for his number.

Here's the setting. My friends and I are drinking at a loud bar. The music is pumping from the speakers located directly above our heads, the drinks are flowing as we are toasting to my friend's upcoming move to Paris for six months, and my (slightly less glamorous) move to Louisville. The bartender chick serves us with a line-up of shots. I smell the rim of my shot glass and get a whif of sour, very alcoholic substance. I take a deep breath, clunk my shot glass with about six other ones raised in the air and take it all down in one gulp. As I place the now empty shot glass on a mahogany-colored bar counter and turn around to face the crowd, I catch a glimpse of a very sexy bouncer-type. As he makes his way through the crowd, indeed, I see the word "Staff" plastered on the back of his shirt with big bold yellow letters.

Eye candy, indeed, but I am being cautious. Almost two years ago I attempted to flirt with a bouncer who very firmly declined my advances with a puzzling "I don't talk to strangers" response. Douche. Regardless, I push the negative thoughts aside and watch the bouncer out of the corner of my eye as he's watching the crowd. Maybe it's the alcohol talking but I swear I see him glancing over in my direction once or twice. As my friends and I do a second round of shots and I fess up to them about my new crush, he changes his position and moves over closer to me. We are now standing back to back, as he is continuing to watch over the crowd. Why is he so close? My heart beats a bit faster and I let my inner school girl out for a moment by letting a barely audible giggle escape my lips.

A few hours later, my friends are ready to call it a night.

"Wait, I didn't get a chance to get his number yet..."

"Well do it now!" my Fabulous Friend impatiently urges. He's had enough of the bar scene and wants to get out.

"Okay, okay, I will. Just let me pay my bill first," I reply and make my way over to the bar and ask for my credit card check, "Before you close it out though, can you please charge me for another shot of SoCo and lime?"

The bartender nods and just a few seconds later I am face to face with a dangerous little shot glass filled with my favorite poison of choice. Just one more shot to make me braver. I take it down and make my way over to the Bouncer.

"Hey," I tap him on his shoulder. He turns around immediately. I gotta say what I need to say. Now.

"Hey, I think you are really cute. I wanted to ask you if you were single or not," I smiled at him with the most charming smile I could squeeze out of me. Here goes nothing.

"Yeah, yeah I am. What's your name? You're really cute too," he smiled and I almost melted. He was even sexier up close.

Long story short, he gots my number and I feel like I am back at the top of my game. Whether he'll call me or not is another story - I don't have much faith in random men these days. However, it was (as cliche as it might sound) quite liberating to take control and go for someone I really want. No more wishing and dreaming about what could have been. Taking charge is where it's at, and I am finally taking charge - one Bouncer at a time.

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Dance of Fire

So much has occurred, some things planned and some things unplanned, over the course of the last month. Firstly, I got a 6-month job in Louisville. Yeah, due to the economic crisis I sort of had to abandon dreams of New York City or LA rather quickly. Not because I couldn't afford apartments there or anything, but simply because all of the firms I applied to replied back with "We regret to inform you that we are not in a position to hire at this time." Great. Louisville it is. I just keep going, slowly but surely, deeper and deeper down South.

Which, to be perfectly clear, I don't mind at all. Nothing really holding me back or prompting me to stay in Cincinnati. Nothing or no one ever did. The guy that I was sort of seeing... both of them actually - the one who didn't take me out of Valentine's Day and the one who did - they're both still okay and I kind of like them both. The one who blew me off, let's call him Mr. Flaky... we still have a really strong friendship bond and I am attracted to him physically like I am attracted to no other. But at the same time there's this laconic feeling about the whole thing with him - I don't really make the effort to see him and the bulk of our communication occurs online.

Despite the lack of enthusiasm on both of our parts, I still sort of think that maybe we still have a potential of being together... in a couple of years or so. He's the type of guy who can hold my interest and keep me guessing without appearing to be completely shady. He's the type of guy who I still want after three months of knowing him, and that is saying a whole lot. Even though I am not a firm believer in fate, this is where I have to put up my hands and leave it up to it, because if, per chance, we're meant to cross our romantic paths in some distant future, this will happen with or without me doing anything about it.

On a slightly more personal note, this week will make exactly one year of me, well... not bumping uglies with anyone. It's probably a big deal for a lot of people, especially those who are in healthy relationships, but for me it's, in many ways, just another week. Do I miss sex? Of course. But can I go for another year without it, if push comes to shove? Yeah, no problem in that department.

I don't know if that makes me weird or simply extremely picky. I saw this documentary where a bunch of people talked about themselves and their "issues" while completely naked in front of the camera. And at first their bodies and imperfections were supremely distracting, but after a while I felt really connected to the rawness of their uncensored emotions. It was like, holy shit, it takes guts to strip down to bare essentials and talk about stuff like love, cancer, abuse.

Well, there was this one woman who was stunningly beautiful - probably in her late thirties. She spoke about how she willingly was staying away from sex and she's been doing that for six years. And her reasoning was that she had a very hard time opening up to anyone and feeling like men were genuinely into her. I guess I kind of feel the same way, where in the beginning of dating I don't really open up and guard my feelings and monitor what I say. And then when some time passes and I do feel like I'm ready to open up, the guys are no longer worthy of the effort - my feelings fade away.

Mr. Flaky makes me act a bit more uncensored about myself. I feel like I can talk to him about sex and what I want and I like that. But then again, with him I have a perfectly casual friendship (that can on occasion be more sexually charged than during other times) so maybe that's exactly why I can open up to him - because I am not putting all of my eggs in one basket. All in all, he's freaking sexy and if fantasizing about him is the most action I get this year, I won't be extremely heart-broken about it. I'd rather wait for a guy who's really worth my time then go on a casual sex rampage amidst some Louisville bars.

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