Finals Week

I open one of my eyes and glare at my alarm clock that's squealing on my window sill.

"WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

My body still needs at least 3 more hours of sleep, but I know that sleep is not the kind of luxury I can afford right now. I twist and turn in my bed and cover my ears with a pillow. I can still hear it though.

"WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

I think of all the projects due the beginning of next week. I think of how I am afraid of failure. I think of how I need to get up and study for a quiz in my environmental technologies class. I think of my friends back at home and how much I miss them. I think of my fluffy little cat I could just pick up and hug and feel his fur tickle my nose when I kiss him. I think of my many failed relationships with men and how that cliche saying that all women are attracted to assholes must be true, because I am one of those women. I think of how I'm tired of wanting to get revenge on the Asshole from a few weeks ago, because even though it feels good, I just don't have the time or the energy to make him hurt. Because really, I am SO over him.

The last very intense couple of days of work have almost been an escape for me, in a crazy sadistic way. I tire myself out to a point of not wanting to think about anything else. Thing that usually bothers me, the usual worries that loom above my head fade out into the background. It's just me and my project. Mullions, acetate, vellum, mylar, and all the architectural terms I would have otherwise never learned if I'd chosen some other profession are words that my vocabulary currently revolves around.

"WAKE UP! WAKE THE FUCK UP!"

I slam the snooze button with my fist. The clock immediately shuts up, but instead of closing my eyes again and going back to sleep, I slowly rise in my bed.

Okay, okay, I'm up.