Slight Turn for the Wrong

Well, I should probably dust myself off and jump off the tired "Taken" shelf back onto the meat market's floor. In other words, I am giving this whole dating thing a try.... Oh Lord have mercy...

It's not like being in a long-distance quasi-relationship with Mr J ever cramped my style. But with him, I just sort of forgot about the male species. I let the hot men pass me by, content in the fact that I had what I wanted. I had Mr J to lust after. But I may not have realized (or did not want to believe) that it might have been troublesome from the start that I was pretty content in pining for the man hundreds of miles away and building a glass castle in the sky that finally came crumbling down.

And now that's I've dusted off the glass shards off my floor and the bruises have more-or-less healed, I feel like I am opening my eyes again and looking around. Could it be early spring in the air rubbing some of its post-Valentine's Day magic on me? Not yet... it is still much too cold out. It is something within me that is awakening. I have no freaking clue what it is but it feels very exciting and vaguely familiar.

Like that time when I actually considered myself single and acted upon my urges to go hit on hot guys. Don't get me wrong, I am looking for romance and unicorns, but if a hot dude comes around, I will be just as glad to do a little one-on-one tongue wrestling.

The last time I kissed a guy besides J... was a year and a half-ago... I think it's time.

Yeah?

Yeah.

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All My Life I've Been Good..

So Mr J are "on a break." And I'm thinking, what the hell?

I mean, I'm the first one to admit when I'm wrong. Okay, okay, maybe not the first one, but, within all the reasonable bounds, I can admit with some reluctance when I need to modify my behavior or apologize to a person when I, intentionally or unintentionally, offend them.

But with Mr. J, I am totally the one who is pretty much always right.

And throughout this entire relationship, I've been fairly good and well-behaved. Despite us living hundreds of miles apart, I have not once drunkenly made out with anyone at a bar. I have compromised my values more than once just to not start any fights with J. I have been willing to stick it out with him through thick and thin, even when my friends rolled their eyes and said "You're STILL with him? You can find a MUCH better guy for yourself."

And now he wants to be "on a break" because we fight too much (and who's fault exactly is that?!) and because he is "not sure if we can make it".

Man, I just don't think that I am the one in this relationship who deserves to be put on hold and told that my presence in his life has been stressing him out lately.

I've been good. I've been really good, damn it. But right now, quite frankly, I feel like cheating on him with a gorgeous lawyer that I could meet at a bar on any given night.

And normally, I am not the one for having and condoning these types of thoughts: "Cheating is never okay.. blah blah blah..." But the truth of the matter is, I have been so good lately, that it's pretty exciting to think bad thoughts. I do not feel appreciated. I will be spending yet another Valentine's Day without a freaking gift or a hint of acknowledgment. I feel like I could use a sexy distraction.

Mr J better watch out because his self-imposed "break" on our relationship just might become a permanent one.

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