Patience

I finally told him the truth (well, sort of) last night, after seeing The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and during our light dinner at a restaurant. I saw a momentary shadow of doubt cloud his face as he heard the news of me going to Cincinnati in a few days, but he recollected himself quickly and raised a beer toast,

"I feel lucky to have met you and we should keep in touch. At least once a week."

I smiled sweetly and nodded my head in agreement. Do I think that we'll keep in touch? Who knows. My heart is telling me yes but my brain is laughing sarcastically at my heart and telling it to stop being to naive. Right now I am listening to my brain and ignoring my heart for the most part.

But what a great couple of dates it was with this guy. He pays for everything and tells you exactly what you want to hear. I know, I know. There's no doubt in my mind that this guy has a fair share of women chasing after him. I mean, how could they not? But it's also oh so nice to feel like the center of this guy's attention and to savor every bit of this dating experience. What a nice change this experience was from the horrendous avalanche of cringe-worthy dates I've endured over the last several months.

If anything, if there is God, this was his way of telling me to hold on and be patient, to not settle for just any Joe Schmoe. I will get mine when the time is right, I'm sure of it.

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Boys I Will Do Wrong

After a brief 4-day stint at NYC, I am back in Philly for a few weeks to visit friends and family. The East Coast has always been near and dear to me as this is the place where all my wildest adventures always took place and my friends and I got in all sorts of ludicrous trouble (but, you know, in a good way).

This Saturday was no exception as one of my best friends and I decided to have ourselves a little reunion and go out to our old weekly hangout for some drinks and dancing. It was pretty crazy that, despite being away from the city for so long, I managed to run into pretty much everyone I know, from the guy who is this high school teacher by day and an insanely awesome dancer by night, to two of the girls from my high school (whom I never got along with, but I felt that it was awesome to see them anyway, since I looked damn good that night), to a guy I went on a date with two years ago.

With always having to go out with guy friends in Cincinnati, I felt so in my element finally going out with a GIRL, and dancing my heart out and enjoying male attention. I felt good. I felt like I was back on my home turf.

Around 1:00am, this gorgeous guy started dancing with me. Instantly, I felt this chemistry that's been lacking from all of my recent dates. This guy's smile, his eyes, his moves - everything seemed perfect to me in the strobe lights on the dance floor. But that's when it went downhill, and this time, I was the one to blame.

See, my goal that night was to dance, have fun, flirt, and not start up anything serious with any of the guys that crossed my path. So when this guy asked me where I lived, I told him that I still resided in Philly and went to graduate school here too. No mention of Cincinnati was brought up - my fatal mistake.

You see, because when he got my number at the end of that night, I didn't actually think that he would call. When he planted a brief kiss on my lips right before I left the bar, I thanked him for his company and told him to give me a call, without ever expecting to hear from him again. After all, why would I want to keep in touch? I was soon to go back to Cincinnati.

When he called tonight, I didn't except our conversation to go on for 40 minutes. I didn't expect him to be an ambitious, funny, polite, interesting guy. I didn't expect him to like the same music I do and have the same taste in movies as me. I certainly didn't expect him to ask me out on a date this weekend.

But he did. And now I am sitting sulking in the very same grave I decided to dig for myself the minute I lied to him about my current place of residence. Sure, he might ultimately turn out to be a douche bag and our impending date may turn out to be an incredibly boring, empty affair. But what if it doesn't? What then?

Do I tell him that, oops, I lied to him this entire time we've been talking and that I actually live 10 hours away and the next time I would be visiting Philly would be in no less than 3 months?

I guess honesty is always the best policy, but I lied only because I never thought that there would be this potential for more. And I kept up the lies because I didn't want to deny myself a chance for romance, even if it only has the time to last for one date. I mean, if I told him about Cincinnati, he may have done what any sane man would do in that situation. That is, he would toss my number out and forget about me because long distance relationships never start with chance meetings at bars.

But then again, maybe the best thing for both him and me would be to tell him the truth and just get this over and done with.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

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Imagine That

"You can start seeing a clear division among the people in our class," my Fabulous Friend noted shortly after we ordered our drinks and appetizers at an upscale downtown restaurant, where everyone seemed at least a decade older than us.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not fully understanding his comment. I was still coming off of a high of our afternoon presentation, where my friend, two other members in our group, and I impressed the hell out of everyone by our concise, clear, and "quietly sophisticated", as one of the reviewers noted, presentation.

"Well, there is one group that is all about weddings and babies and bridal showers," my friend explained, clearly referring to a number of girls in our class, "And then there are people who are giving their all to put their career on a fast track," referring to us.

"Yeah, you're right. But it's kind of sad that I'm almost putting dating and social life secondary to work," I chimed in, "it's like I'm always waiting to turn the next page in my career before I can let myself get seriously involved."

"But it's not like you're meeting anyone intriguing enough to make you question your decision," my friend said, taking a sip of his vodka tonic, "Have you even had a single good date since you moved here?"

I thought back to my dating experiences. Firstly, there was a guy who told me he was twenty three, just to later reveal he was a decade older than that. That "relationship" came to an end faster than you could say "liar". There was The Drunk who was too wrapped up in drinking and partying to care about anything else. Then there was Mr. Bipolar who was just creepy. After that, there was a glimmer of hope when I started dating The Musician but that relationship, too, came to an end when I realized that his moral values were different from mine. After that, there was the Nice Guy, The Neighbor and the Creepy Beard Guy. No, no, and hell no.

"No, not really. I mean, now that I think back, The Musician wasn't half bad and if I had to pick any one of the rejects to date, I'd probably pick him before all the other ones," I said.

"Wow, talk about lowering your standards," my friend laughed.

I shrugged and looked down at my salad of goat cheese, spring mix, Raspberry vinaigrette and pistachios the waiter just placed in front of me.

"Maybe the way to my heart is through my stomach," I said, "Cause right now this salad looks more attractive than any of my dates."

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Home in the Valley, Home in the City

This quarter is almost over and my mind is already racing in excitement for an impending trip to the Big Bad City That Never Sleeps. I temporarily lost my head when looking at New York hotels online and allowed myself to make a reservation at this ultra posh, painfully hip, all sorts of gorgeous (and not too mention all sorts of expensive) hotel, located just a few seconds away from Times Square.

When I got off the phone with a knowledgeable and enthusiastic hotel employee, the reality began to sink in. That reality being that I am, after all, an unemployed graduate student and though I am pretty well off financially as compared to other poor souls journeying through the perils of grad school, I might not be making a very wise decision by paying $300 a night for a hotel room.

But then my philosophy of "We only live once" made me realize that I won't necessarily be digging a bottomless pit of debt and that I should allow myself to splurge just a little bit as a reward for an insanely productive, insanely work-filled quarter. I'll think of this as my Christmas present to myself.

When I made the reservation, the woman on the other line asked me how many people would be staying in the room, and my response was, "Just one." It made me just a tiny bit regretful that I didn't really have anyone even closely resembling a "significant other" to share the time in New York with. The city is, after all,filled with beauty and lights and joy during Christmas time, and this trip could really be very romantic if I had a sexy dude to take on this trip with me.

It also made me realize how "not into dating" I've become lately. The last date I had was about three weeks ago with another lackluster prospect and though he didn't do or didn't say anything particularly terrible, I found myself wondering just what I was doing accepting the date with him in the first place. It also didn't help that when I offered to split the check for dinner with him, he readily agreed. Don't take me for a mooch, but I like to be wined and dined on a first date.

School has been so much more interesting to me lately. My mind's been filled with all these great ideas and just by immersing myself wholeheartedly in what I am doing for my projects made me mature intellectually at an unprecedented rate.

I've accepted the fact that Ohio men are simply not my cup of tea. I don't feel in a rush to get married or to even seriously date any time soon, unless someone truly incredible comes along. I cannot settle for someone who is kind-of okay, because, really, if the guy is not pushing all the right buttons I have other things to look forward to. Things that do not involve dating. Or awkward dinner conversations. Or excuses to avoid a goodnight kiss. There are things not related to dating that I feel perfectly content in doing.

For now I look forward to my date with New York, the city that has a soft spot in my heart. And though there will be no men to share my journey and experiences with, I will feel no less thrilled to go on this trip. Who knows, maybe I'll even get to flirt with one of the cute Wall Street types somewhere along the way :)

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