Seeing Other People

So I don't know if it's very ethical of me, but I've decided, again, that it might be beneficial for my well being to go on a date, of sorts, on Thursday with a gentleman I met... well.... online.

I've been on a date with a guy I met online before and it turned out to be all sorts of disastrous. However, with that being said, there is a new guy in the picture that I've been very casually talking to for weeks. In fact, to my own embarrassment, I've declined going on several dates with him so far, mostly because internet dating was something that I've decided to swear off for good. And, of course, because I was so head over heels in love with Mr. J that I couldn't even fathom seeing other people. Of course, distance and the lack of physical contact tends to coll things off somewhat over time.

This new guy has been persistent enough, however, that I agreed to have a brief phone conversation with him today to, sort of, assess the state of things and evaluate whether or not I would want to meet him at all. I mean, talk about brutal honesty - I laid it all out on the table and told him like it is.

"I really fell in love over the summer and I am reluctant in meeting new prospects.. especially since I will be starting graduate school back up again and all."

He said that he would like to meet me, nonetheless. And upon our brief phone conversation (which, in the end, turned out to be more like two hours long), I must say that I am more than intrigued in meeting this guy in person.

I hate the stigma of internet dating. I should be able to find a guy on my own. At a bar or something. And I hate that I am trying desperately to get over Mr. J, but the truth is, I have this feeling that he is trying to get over me as well, on his own. And another thing is... I really think that waiting until Christmas to see him again is putting an unnecessary strain on me. Why should I be putting a proverbial nun habit on me and faithfully wait for Mr. J to return home when I can still be, for all intents and purposes, be shopping around? It's not like I am trying to sleep with random guys or anything.

The truth is, Mr. J is still in my heart, but, as long as there is no official verbal commitment to exclusivity between us, I do not feel secure with waiting for him with open arms. If anything, this date with an online prospect can only verify that Mr. J is the one for me.

On the other hand, it could help me move on, just as well. Let's see what happens.