High for This

I really love the phrase "He's not that into you".

Not that I would ever want to hear it in reference to me, but I get it, you know? I get its meaning down to its core. I've felt that way towards dozens of guys I went out on dates with in the past. They were perfectly fine, cute, pleasant, I just wasn't that into them.

Sure, I gave some of them a second or even a third chance. I waited for feelings to emerge, because some of my friends would say, when I told them about my dating escapades: "Awww, he sounds like a great guy. Give it another date or two." And I did, I obeyed and I went on more dates, always with the same outcome. I still wasn't that into them.

Things tend to fade when a person is not that into someone they are dating. There is just not enough energy or incentive to keep things going. Even when the sex is great, it's like, yeah, but what's next?

What is next? Pain? Regret? Indifference? Issues that come up later on when you start dating someone else who is actually into you? None of the above?

I can say this much: I am feeling scared. Even though I go about my day like nothing affects me the way that he (The Banker) does, I revert to being such a girl at night, analyzing every one of his moves, every red flag, every signal that can ease my mind as to where our little affair is heading.

There are plenty of red flags. Plenty. But I also see many glimpses of his tender side, especially when we are alone, resting skin to skin. It is those red flags and those glimpses of tenderness that pick me up and hurl me down with their madness. As much of an expert I can say I am on dating issues, with my own relationships, I make all the mistakes and, frankly, I just do not know shit.

So:

Red flag: he didn't invite me to a good friend's wedding coming up this weekend. I saw an invitation lying openly for weeks now on his living room coffee table. He mentioned he was going to this wedding a couple of times, very casually each time. It's not that he's trying to conceal this wedding or that he's taking some other chick to it. The question that lingers in my head, though, is why he didn't invite me. If I'm his main squeeze, I should have the right to tag along to this wedding, yeah?

Glimpse of hope: I mentioned that I wanted to go on a vacation because I was starting to feel homesick and wanted to just get off this island for a bit. He said: "Well, you should go take a weekend trip somewhere!" To which I replied: "God, I'd love to. But my friends' and my vacation schedules do not really correspond and I have no one to go with." He raised his eyebrows and he looked slightly surprised and insulted at the same time.... "Well, you should go with me, duh!" he said.

I mean, at least he wants to continue spending time with me, right? But just how serious is all of this. The question that's hurting my brain with its importance is.... is this for real or is this all until the next best thing comes along?

Is he just not that into me?