Abandoning the Ship

"Less than 30 days..."

His text message countdown is as vague as they come but I know right away what he is referring to - I, too, am silently and impatiently counting down until the day he comes back from Spain and I can see him again.

"Will you come visit me the day I come back?" he follows up his original message.

"What day is it?"

"Friday."

Friday is ideal for a weekend-long visit. It's a perfect day to make a six hour drive from Cincinnati to St. Louis and have him greet me with open arms, hug me, kiss me. Friday is a perfect day for a heartfelt reunion after months of texting, wishing and longing.

But that Friday is also a month away and a lot can change meanwhile. Despite wanting to follow my heart's desires, I can't help but hope to find a job and follow my career path wherever it might take me. The chances of me staying in Cincinnati for much longer are very slim.

He knows this - I keep telling him about my interviews in Philly, Cleveland, Raleigh - but he chooses to implore me instead about the exact time I will be coming to see him a month from now. Remaining deliberately or unintentionally forgetful of the fact that I am in the midst of an intense job search/quest to figure out my next step in life, he chooses to assume that I will be around for him. Perhaps it's easier to assume the best until it is proven otherwise. But still.

"So are you coming on the 16th?" I receive another text message from him. I am in the middle of a dance floor somewhere in Philadelphia on my weekend trip to revisit my college friends, but I pause amidst dancing and grinding bodies and reread the text message over and over until I notice my friends glancing over at me with growing concern.

"Yes I'll be there," I type back in haste and press "Send".

Am I lying to him? Am I lying to myself?

Only time will be able to tell...